Self improvement
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
View each social encounter as a chance to practice and refine your abilities.
Social skills may not improve without active effort.
5 people, independently
Cease overanalyzing social moments by accepting that minor errors are invisible to others.
People are preoccupied with their own lives, so your perceived mistakes go unnoticed.
3 people, independently
Repeatedly practice initiating brief chats.
It may feel strange and uncomfortable initially, but pushing through that stage can help it improve gradually.
8 people, independently
Talk to people about your struggles instead of keeping them to yourself.
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Remind yourself that others may feel just as awkward or insecure as you do.
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Check back with people regarding topics they brought up casually.
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Exercise restraint and consider your words before speaking; having a thought does not obligate you to voice it.
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Ask people questions about themselves to keep a roughly 50/50 ratio of talking versus listening.
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Request input on your social behavior from a trusted close friend or colleague.
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Instead of trying to stand out, show genuine interest in what occupies other people's lives.
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Offer sincere compliments that make others feel valued and noticed.
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Listen aiming for comprehension, not just to formulate a response.
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If direct eye contact is difficult, lock onto the bridge of the other person's nose for a few seconds, then look to the side and repeat.
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Focus on social pastimes, such as enrolling in art or music courses.
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When someone is cut off mid-sentence, steer the discussion back to them by asking them to resume or noting their last point.
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Own the initiative to begin conversations instead of waiting for others to reach out first.
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Join Toastmasters or take an improv class to practice socializing in a structured environment.
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- Practice social skills by joining Toastmasters, Dale Carnegie courses, the UCLA PEERS program, local hobby classes, or sports activities.3
Do not force social interaction; take things slowly without feeling like you are on a timer.
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Start with simple, low-stakes interactions like saying hi or asking about a workout, with no expectations of romance.
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Initiate conversations by asking simple questions like 'How's it going?' and then interviewing others to shift focus away from yourself.
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Listen to conversational podcasts to consciously and subconsciously learn from hours of conversations.
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