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Relationships

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

How this was put together

If you only read a few

  1. Ask people who know you for constructive feedback on areas you could improve.

    You cannot know what you do not know.

    • It might sting a little.

    4 people, independently

  2. Shift focus away from yourself; engage with others' topics and let them speak.

    People enjoy self-disclosure, and listening often increases their fondness for you.

    7 people, independently

    • Show real interest in others by asking about their day, activities, likes, and preferences.4
    • Concentrate on your own appreciation for new acquaintances, not their opinion of you.16

  3. Enroll in courses or societies to encounter others who share your hobbies.

    Participating in community groups or book clubs has brought good fortune; learning new skills is enjoyable and helps build friendships.

    6 people, independently

  4. Take up activities that interest you and make friends with others who share those passions.

    32 people, independently

    • Connect with groups centered on your specific interests to meet like-minded people organically.105

  5. Initiate friendly contact with people instead of waiting for them to reach out.

    20 people, independently

  1. Get on with your own life and let the right people find you.

    4 people, independently

  2. Listen to thoroughly understand what is being said and not said, rather than just listening to hear.

    3 people, independently

  3. Observe a group's dialogue first, then contribute to their discussion.

    3 people, independently

  4. Introduce yourself first to create a better impression and make others comfortable.

    4 people, independently

5 more on this

  1. Invest energy in relationships only when the other party matches your level of commitment.

    3 people, independently

  2. Perform an 'Irish Goodbye' (leaving without saying goodbye) if necessary to enforce your boundary to leave.

    3 people, independently

  3. When declining an invitation, immediately propose a specific alternative day to hang out.

    4 people, independently

  4. Approach acquaintances by asking about class assignments or sharing thoughts on a course to initiate conversation.

    3 people, independently

  5. Join local speaking groups that specialize in improving communication skills.

    3 people, independently

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