More on talking to people

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

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Volunteer for a cause you care about.
People involved in these groups tend to be positive and welcoming, and you make an amazing difference in people's lives.
5 people, independently
Keep your drink within sight at all times; do not leave it unattended.
To prevent it from being tampered with.
3 people, independently
When shown a photo on someone's phone, view only that specific image without scrolling through other content.
Scrolling violates trust and may harm the relationship.
- Some argue the phone holder shares responsibility.
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Recognize that strangers generally do not notice or care about your presence, which reduces social pressure.
Most people are too wrapped up in their own business and experience to pay attention to random people.
6 people, independently
Offer to buy a meal or give a food gift card instead of cash to ensure the money is used for necessities rather than drugs or alcohol.
Cash may be used for drugs or alcohol, whereas food ensures value.
- Some beggars may insist on cash and refuse food.
- Some individuals with dental issues cannot eat certain foods like soft cheeseburgers.
3 people, independently

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Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to learn how to meet people and genuinely connect.
It is a classic primer and great foundation for social skills.
- Do not follow it verbatim; instead, implement what makes sense.
5 people, independently
- Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to improve conversation skills and make connections at work.5
Donate clean socks to homeless people, as they are a high-demand item often overlooked.
Socks are essential for warmth and hygiene; wet or missing socks lead to dangerous conditions like trench foot.
- Do not give old, stinky socks.
- Shoes may be better but are harder to size correctly.
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Accept that friendships naturally fade and change as life progresses.
Life changes cause friends to come and go; it is a lifelong process where many connections fade while a few persist.
3 people, independently
Do not worry about dancing poorly; most people are just moving to the music or winging it.
Nobody will care.
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- Go dancing under the assumption that no one is observing you, moving freely without worry about judgment or shame.3

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Fact-check information before sharing it with others.
Fact checking helps gain people’s trust and stops you from feeling and looking stupid.
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Change your friend group if they consistently pressure you to drink; surround yourself with people who share your goals.
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Connect with people who share your passions by joining local groups or clubs focused on activities like hiking, reading, arts, board games, skydiving, cooking, or wine.
Shared interests are essential for building lasting connections and finding lifelong friends.
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- Participate in clubs, hobby groups, or volunteer efforts related to your interests to connect with like-minded people.4
Cultivate comfort with your own company by engaging in activities you enjoy alone.
Finding long-term enjoyment in your own company allows you to remain open and friendly without needing to isolate yourself.
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Offer to help the host set up or arrive early to a party where you know no one, allowing you to meet guests individually as they arrive.
Helping keeps you distracted and reduces tension by giving you a chance to meet people while busy.
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Take the initiative to approach others rather than waiting to be approached.
Others may be too terrified to approach you, and taking charge allows you to choose who you converse with.
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Participate in clubs, groups, or Greek life that match your academic major or personal interests.
You can connect with people who share those interests.
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Offer to drive friends home to earn their respect and provide a valid reason to abstain from drinking.
You will be sought after and genuinely appreciated; friends trust you to drive them home when they are intoxicated, which is valuable since ride-shares are expensive. Bars often provide free sodas to designated drivers.
4 people, independently
Visit spots where you are likely to encounter potential friends often and start talking to them.
Friendships form through closeness and repetition; seeing the same people regularly helps.
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Pursue the activity you want regardless of whether others can join.
Waiting for company often results in never doing anything at all.
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Join a club, group, book club, or sport club to meet people outside of work and school.
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Focus on enjoying the interaction over worrying about whether others accept you or what you want from them.
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Volunteer at local charities such as animal shelters, food banks, nursing homes, or social support organizations.
You can help out your community and actively make the world a better place.
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Be yourself and connect with people who share your interests.
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- Focus on finding people with similar interests over finding people of a similar age.3
Make your own decisions about your thoughts, feelings, and lifestyle, rather than letting others control them.
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Pack tampons, pads, or vouchers for menstrual supplies when assembling aid kits for women experiencing homelessness.
Such items are hard to find for people without housing, almost every woman needs them, and improvised solutions are distressing.
6 people, independently
- Provide menstrual supplies such as pads and tampons to homeless women.3
Meet people by participating in fitness activities such as lifting weights or taking fitness classes.
You can find workout partners and social connections through these shared activities.
3 people, independently
Study social skills through books or videos, then apply those lessons whenever you get the chance.
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Find common ground with classmates through easy starters like games, sports, movies, music, or shared coursework struggles.
These are easy starters and great ways to break the ice.
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Take the initiative to invite acquaintances to specific activities or gatherings.
Planning interactions is not fake; shared experiences create common ground like inside jokes.
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Deepen friendships by having more frequent, deeper conversations about personal topics.
As discussions become more intimate, your bond as friends strengthens.
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Tone down your interest with people who don't reciprocate and focus your energy on those who do.
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Ask about their weekend activities and offer to join if they mention a specific event.
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Join activity-focused groups, such as hiking clubs or Meetup events, to socialize around shared interests rather than drinking.
These gatherings provide an external focus and opportunities to meet people through carpooling or shared activities.
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Inquire about what occupies someone's time rather than asking about their profession.
This question is less awkward for those without employment and typically generates more engaging responses.
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Try new hobbies like travel or sports to create fresh material for conversations.
These experiences provide plenty of engaging topics to discuss.
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Invite acquaintances to join you in mundane, low-pressure activities you were already planning to do.
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- Invite work or school acquaintances to coffee or shared events once a comfortable basis is established.3
- Invite acquaintances to events related to shared interests, such as concerts, restaurants, or movies.3
Bring a board game like Codenames to help with social interaction.
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Shift your mindset from competitive to collaborative in social interactions.
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Recharge your energy before social events to ensure you have enough 'battery' for interaction.
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Cultivate two of the four ECHO qualities: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor, and Optimism.
While few possess all four, gaining two marks a significant upgrade.
3 people, independently
Speak while holding a wine cork upright between your teeth to force harder articulation effort.
Removing the cork afterward allows you to talk more clearly.
3 people, independently
Let your arms sway naturally at your sides while walking rather than putting them in pockets.
Not swinging your arms can look creepy.
3 people, independently
Analyze your behavior while drunk to identify positive traits, then consciously integrate those behaviors into your sober self.
Replicating the feelings and behaviors experienced under influence can help replicate that state sober.
3 people, independently

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Imagine a cord attached to the crown of your skull pulling you upward toward the roof. This helps keep your head up, spine aligned, and shoulders back.
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Order non-alcoholic alternatives like tonic water, soda with lime, mocktails, or zero-percent beer to maintain the social ritual of sipping.
Having something to sip helps you feel like you aren't missing out during social revelry.
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- Bring a cooler filled with your preferred non-alcoholic beverages to gatherings so you have a drink ready.3
Use hand gestures to emphasize your speech and illustrate your points.
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- Support your words with positive body language, including genuine smiles, good posture, and eye contact.3
Put on music with earbuds to create a personal bubble and ignore your surroundings.
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Wear something distinctive, such as a unique shirt, hat, bright jacket, big watch, or large necklace, to make it easier for strangers to start conversations with you.
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Use a task like refilling drinks as an excuse to exit a conversation when needed.
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Avoid forcing humor; share jokes only when they arise naturally, but do not strain to be amusing.
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Find a positive, lighthearted balance between joking and being serious.
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Choose someone you believe you could outrun if you must hand your device to a stranger to take a photo.
It reduces the risk of them running off with your camera.
- Some view this advice as paranoid.
3 people, independently
If you have private content you want to keep hidden, do not let others hold your phone.
Snatching it back is awkward, and curious people might look through it.
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Hold the shutter button to take a burst of photos, allowing you to select the precise moment from hundreds of shots taken in seconds.
Reaction time is often too slow to capture the right moment with a single shot.
3 people, independently
Hold the phone yourself while showing a photo rather than handing it over, allowing the viewer to look with their eyes but not touch the screen.
- Viewer may not be able to see clearly if you shake the phone
3 people, independently

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Request a photo from a stranger holding a DSLR or SLR camera.
They likely understand framing and composition better and have less incentive to steal a cheaper camera.
3 people, independently
If you are the designated photographer at gatherings, arrange for someone else to capture your image.
It is easy to overlook that you remain unseen while operating the camera.
4 people, independently
Activate edit mode on the image before giving your device to another person. This stops them from browsing your gallery.
3 people, independently
Provide a garbage bin with a lid in the bathroom if female guests are present.
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Display a teal pumpkin to signal that non-food treats or allergy-friendly candy are available for children with allergies.
3 people, independently
Create a separate album containing only the photos you intend to show, then display that collection instead of your main gallery.
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Capture images in both landscape and portrait modes to offer flexibility for various applications.
Portrait works well for phone wallpapers, while landscape suits most other needs.
3 people, independently
Attend film screenings solo to enjoy the freedom of choosing what to watch, eating snacks without judgment, leaving early if desired, and avoiding interruptions from others.
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Start taking photos immediately upon receiving the camera and continue through the posing process.
5 people, independently
Watch films by yourself when companions are unavailable or have different preferences, instead of delaying viewing for months.
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Check the validity and credibility of the source before sharing or quoting online articles.
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Accept compliments with a simple 'thank you' without deflecting, qualifying, or arguing.
Deflecting creates awkward loops or signals insincerity; accepting them is polite and simplifies social interactions.
- In some Asian cultures, immediate acceptance may be perceived as conceited rather than humble.
- Do not feed off of compliments or become dependent on them, as opinions can change.
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Do not mention unauthorized discounts, freebies, or rule-breaking actions when praising an employee.
Mentioning these actions could get the employee in trouble.
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- If an employee helped you by bending or breaking rules, avoid being specific about the action in your feedback; use general terms like 'went above and beyond' instead.4
Send a note or speak directly to an employee's manager to share positive feedback about their work.
Managers often only hear negative news, so direct praise provides peace of mind and goes a long way.
3 people, independently
Do not mention receiving free or extra items from service workers in public reviews or surveys, as it may get them in trouble.
Mentioning these gifts can hurt the business or the employee, as it may be viewed as stealing or a violation of integrity.
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Compliment a person's effort, decisions, or actions rather than their innate traits or appearance.
Praising effort encourages persistence and kindness, whereas praising innate traits can lead to frustration and giving up when challenges arise.
6 people, independently
Present cold drinks to workers directly without asking if they want one.
Workers often refuse offers to avoid inconveniencing the host, but will accept if simply handed a drink.
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- Be prepared for workers to decline offers of food or drink due to company policy, liability concerns, or personal distrust.4
Avoid complimenting strangers on their physical appearance.
It can be perceived as creepy, rude, or objectifying, and comfort zones with such compliments are unpredictable.
3 people, independently
State simply 'I don't drink' without offering an explanation or feeling guilty.
No one owes anyone an explanation for their personal choices.
3 people, independently
Include the employee's name in any positive feedback or review.
Managers often do not give credit unless the employee's name is specifically mentioned.
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If you are uncomfortable sharing details with staff, state that you prefer to discuss the issue directly with the doctor.
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Do not burden others with keeping your secrets, as they will likely fail to keep them confidential.
People generally cannot be trusted with confidential information; sharing with just one person often leads to widespread knowledge.
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Avoid offering alcohol to hired workers.
It creates liability risks regarding their ability to drive safely or operate machinery.
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Contact a police officer's commanding officer to provide positive feedback after a good interaction.
Positive feedback is rare and highly appreciated by officers.
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Respond to a compliment by saying, 'What a nice thing to say, thank you.'
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Avoid making inappropriate or humorous compliments about someone's breasts.
Such comments are likely to be perceived as ill-thought-out or inappropriate.
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Refuse to listen to secrets by stating you cannot keep them, thereby avoiding the burden of confidentiality.
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If you are lost in a city that has pizza delivery, ask a driver for directions.
Drivers often know the local area and road closures better than GPS or random pedestrians.
- Only works if the place delivers.
- Help is limited to the driver's specific district.
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Focus on showing genuine curiosity in others rather than trying to be entertaining, as people enjoy speaking with those who listen attentively.
People generally favor interacting with those who appear engaged in what is being said.
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- Listen to understand rather than to reply, and ask questions to show genuine interest.4
- Show real curiosity about others' words by asking focused questions and listening closely.5
Treat everyone as if you already know them and are friends.
Many people are open to friendly, casual conversation when approached this way.
- You can't win em all
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- Show real curiosity about others to lower barriers and get them open to you.3
- Smile or offer a brief greeting when passing others to ease short interactions.3
Start interactions with a welcoming facial expression or slight smile to signal you are approachable.
It signals that you are a friend rather than a foe and prevents people from assuming you dislike them.
- Some individuals cannot smile due to facial conditions.
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Provide an estimated time of arrival when texting that you are late.
It allows hosts or stakeholders to know how long they have to rely on themselves or to rearrange schedules smoothly.
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Recognize that 'How are you' is often just a greeting ritual in the US and UK, not a request for information.
In 99% of cases, social norms dictate responding only with 'good how are you'.
3 people, independently
Pose questions and steer the dialogue toward the other individual.
People enjoy discussing their own lives.
3 people, independently
Wave beside the coworker so you catch the corner of their eye, rather than waving directly in front of their face.
This avoids directly interfering with their work.
3 people, independently
Initiate conversations by asking light-hearted questions about interests, preferences, or the current setting.
This works to learn about people.
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- Start conversations by asking simple questions about shared interests like food, movies, or music.17
- Notice what interests someone and ask them to elaborate on it to encourage conversation.14
- Use conversation prompts or scenarios to initiate chats and discover topics of interest.5
- Interject statements between questions to make conversations feel natural rather than like an interview.3
- Initiate casual interactions by chatting with bartenders or making general comments to people nearby.3
Be a good listener.
It is always a plus.
3 people, independently
Say hi or good morning to everyone you walk past to initiate friendly contact.
Saying hello can go a long way.
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Write out the full name of any acronym or abbreviation upon its first appearance in a message.
Including the complete terms ensures broader comprehension; do not presume all readers know the shorthand.
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Ask people who stutter about their preference regarding sentence completion.
Needs vary by person and severity; do not assume what they want.
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Apologize sincerely if you realize your joke offended someone, even if you did not intend to be hurtful.
It helps rebuild relationships.
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Consider asking someone walking a dog for directions, assuming they are a local, but be aware this strategy has significant limitations and potential risks.
People walking dogs are often assumed to live in the area and know it well from daily walks.
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Remove earphones or headphones in public to signal that you are open to being greeted.
Wearing them signals a desire not to talk and creates a barrier for others who want to say hello.
3 people, independently
When passing someone, make eye contact for a few seconds, smile, and say a short greeting like 'how you doing'.
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Do not assume an offer of gum implies your breath smells; people often offer it because they are chewing, want to be nice, or are insecure about their own breath.
4 people, independently
Consider your audience's background and avoid assuming they know industry-specific jargon or acronyms.
Readers often lack your specific expertise; dumping niche abbreviations from your field will confuse them.
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Pay close attention and demonstrate interest in what others share.
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- Observe how people interact, paying attention to their speech, body language, and eye contact.3
- Nod your head, occasionally make eye contact, and smile warmly to signal that you are listening and processing what is being said.3
Act as you imagine a socially adept person would act, even if it feels unnatural.
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Begin your narrative with a compelling hook to capture attention right away.
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Accept that everyone stumbles in social interactions and do not expect perfection from yourself.
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Be aware that acronyms can have multiple meanings depending on context, which can lead to misunderstanding.
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Show you are listening while someone speaks by using short verbal cues like 'oh', 'ok', or 'ya' rather than staring silently.
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Apologize briefly and invite the other person to continue ('Sorry, go ahead') if you accidentally interrupt them.
It is an honest, small mistake similar to accidentally bumping into someone.
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Make jokes about shared interests or common nuisances rather than targeting people.
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- Cater your jokes to your audience because people's tastes, understanding, and sensitivities vary.4
- Cease telling the identical joke for long stretches to prevent becoming irritating.3
Repeat back the other person's response using different words to confirm understanding.
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Leave conversations politely by stating something like, 'That is quite interesting. Pardon me, I must greet someone else.'
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Build a repertoire of interesting anecdotes, knowledge, and experiences to share with others, modifying them slightly for the audience rather than generating original thoughts on the spot.
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Focus on real-world social interactions over social media engagement.
Social media cannot replace true social interactions; speaking in real life is more social. Social media is described as an online competition where people scroll through pictures of others who make them feel worse about themselves.
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Do not waste time debating people who refuse to use coherent logic or reasoning.
Arguing with someone who renounces reason is futile; they may drag you down to their level.
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Type out an angry response and then delete it to get emotional relief without feeding negativity.
Writing things down has a calming effect by getting feelings off your chest and provides catharsis without the annoyance of receiving replies.
- Some feel this wastes time and emotional energy on a troll.
- Compulsive individuals may feel they wasted time if they do not send it.
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Notify neighbors beforehand about a party and provide your contact number so they can reach out if the noise becomes too much.
The forethought prevents neighbors from getting upset at the noise.
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Argue to persuade onlookers instead of the other person, offering a different view so their claim does not appear true by default.
You likely cannot change the other person's mind, and staying silent against bad arguments allows those views to dominate.
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Go to the smoking area outside to meet people.
It is quieter and where most random encounters happen.
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Reframe going to the movies as a solitary activity rather than a social one, since you sit quietly in the dark without talking.
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Practice saying 'no' regularly, even when it feels uncomfortable, and mean it without being swayed.
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- Train your assertiveness in daily interactions, beginning with minor instances and slowly moving to more significant ones.6
Study de-escalation methods to prevent physical altercations.
The most effective defense is avoiding the need for physical confrontation entirely.
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Smile and laugh off remarks about appearing young to prevent defensiveness.
Such comments carry no real weight; there is no reason to react defensively to every phrase. Eventually, they will register as compliments rather than jabs.
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Clearly state your lack of interest and end the interaction without providing further reasons.
You are not required to engage with strangers or justify your boundaries.
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Contact a coworker via internal messaging, email, or instant message instead of physically interrupting them.
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